Kim. Kim, Kim, Kim. Obviously, this post is about Kim.

This proves that I have missed SO MUCH during the last week that I was absent. Darn stomach virus! Anyway, now that I'm back, I can feel the almost tangible aura of conflict that hovers above my barkada. Lemme just tell you what happened today...

So during IW, bff called me over saying she had something to show me. "Okay, what is it?" She showed me this letter she had written to Kim just minutes before, and told me to read it. It was...harsh. She, herself, said so too. So anyway, I was like "You can't give this to her. Not now." But you know, once Leyre has decided on something, she does it. I tried to persuade her not to, because I know it will add to Kim's hurt, but..........she gave it. I told her over and over again, "Give her time. Give her time." No, no no. She gave it. Okay, wala na akong magawa.

I immediately rushed over to Kim's side whilst she read the letter. At first, she took it lightly, almost no reaction. But then, as she neared the end, her exterior had begun to change; her face tensed and her features darkened. Bad. Bad, bad, bad. Yup. It was sinking in. bff's hurtful words (that held good intentions, though) was seeping into her brain. She finally understood.

I touched her arm for reassurance, but she shook it off. Alright. Sign #1. Darn it. 

During lunch, she did not talk to me at all and super nabastusan ako with the way she was acting. But, of course, I understood. So my anger was short-lived. 

Personally I really think it was a horrible idea to give Kim that letter.

People, you have to understand that she is suffering from EMOTIONAL HURT, and emotional pain really really takes time to heal. TIME. You have to understand that in the state she is in now, she is looking for comfort. The reason why she was so clingy and "annoying", as some people call it, was because she was looking for comfort.

She was depending on her barkada for support and understanding. But what did we give her? NOTHING. "We" showed irritation instead of compassion, impatience instead of sympathy. SHE NEEDED A SHOULDER TO LEAN ON, AND WE GAVE HER NOTHING.

Someone told me, "How come some people get over it so quickly? Why is it taking her so long? Why can't she just get over it?!" HELLO! Is Kim "some people"? NO! She's KIM!

Different people heal differently, some heal quicker than others and some need TLC before fully recovering.

Maybe her way of getting over it is saying his name over and over again, to get him out of her system. But others don't translate it to that, others get annoyed. I don't blame them naman because it's how they see it, and it's their opinion. I'm not blaming anyone at all. People see things differently.

Kim has a right to be upset, to feel betrayed. I think I've done a crappy job as a friend. Gawd. I wish I had been there last week. I would have gladly listen to her rant and rave about him. As long as it helps her heal. But she won't confide in me now. She thinks I feel the same way; irritated, impatient, annoyed. I DON'T.

One more thing....

I do not want her to revert back to her "I hate life" stupor. No, no, no!

It was so very HARD for me during that stage in her life. I was emotionally breaking down, only it was not obvious. I was constantly worrying about her, about what she would do next. I, and the rest of the barkada have endured SO MUCH, have done so much to keep her together. It was exhausting, tiring, nerve-wracking but we did it anyway, because we love her so much.

And we still do.

Kim, I love you, and so do Nicole, Alexis and Leyre. We only do what we do because we care...too much. I hope you don't take what we do the wrong way. I'm sorry if you feel hurt, angry and betrayed. We don't mean to seem so cold, so unfeeling. We care so much. I hope you understand that. I really do. And I hope that you realize that he isn't the only starfish in the sea. I know how much he means to you, and it's okay to be nostalgic about "those days". Eventually you'll get over him, and no matter how long it takes, or how rocky the road becomes, we'll be right beside you. Each and every step, every minute. Every time you stumble, we'll pick you up and help you get back on your feet.

We're always going to be here for you. I want you to know that, and to believe that.