“She doesn’t love you, you know.”

 

I tell Flexi to get a life and go chase some rats. It’s all about he’s good for anyway, the stupid animal. “But you know it’s true. It’s gnawing at your little heart.” He snickers. Boy, do I hate this flea motel.

“Of course she loves me. She’s my mother, you idiot.” I snap. Flexi rolls his eyes. “She’s not your real mother. You two can’t possibly be related.” He stretches, and his orange fur stands up. “Besides,” he yawns. “You wouldn’t be out here if she did love you.” I am taken aback, and try to sputter an excuse for my current state. “That’s because my grandma hasn’t mopped the floor. They don’t want me in the house when it’s dirty. They don’t want me to get dirty.” Flexi just guffaws. “Oh sure. That’s definitely it. They don’t want their little baby to get grimier, filthier, and smellier. That’s why you haven’t been bathed for a whole week.” With each word, his voice drips with sarcasm. I’ve had about enough. “You shut your mouth, you stupid animal! You don’t know anything! You’re just a pathetic street cat who eats from garbage bins and whatever people throw at you! At least I’ve got a home and people who love me! I don’t need to scrounge around for scraps of leftovers!” Flexi narrows his eyes into slits. “You think you’re so clever. You think you’re one of them!” And he laughs again. I am so sick of him. “Let me break it to you, princess,” he hisses, using one of the names my mother calls me. “I’ve got freedom. I can go wherever I want. I can do whatever I wish to. And I don’t have to eat the same thing every single day. I know who I am. So which of us here is the pathetic one?” I glare at him, seething. “WHY YOU—”

 “Honey?” The front door opens, and Flexi scurries across the street and slips under a car. My mother comes out and walks to me. “Why are you so loud out here? What’s going on?” I look at her, and then look at Flexi who is watching from underneath the car. “Why, baby, what’s wrong? Is there someone bothering you?” She squats down and smiles. “You have to be quiet, honey, okay? Lolo is working, and the neighbors will get mad.” My mother coos for me to come to her, and I do. She hugs me, and scratches behind my ears. I smile and kiss her hand. “I love you, princess. I love you, honey.” And I shoot a triumphant glance at Flexi, who is still watching intently. He scowls, but he doesn’t look away. I bring my face up to my mother who is looking at me so lovingly. I feel so happy. “I’m going to go in now, okay? Can mommy go in now?” She is still scratching behind my ears. I don’t want her to go. I don’t want her to leave me out here any longer. I protest, but she doesn’t seem to understand. She continues to scratch behind my ears. She tells me I’m the prettiest girl in the entire neighborhood, and that she doesn’t want me to have a boyfriend yet. She says she has to go in now, and that I have to be quiet or else the neighbors will ask her to get rid of me and she doesn’t want that. She slowly stands up and my heart starts to pound against my rib cage. TAKE ME WITH YOU! PLEASE! I frantically try to get the message across but she just points to my dish. “Finish your num-nums, honey. And drink your milk.” No, no I don’t want to finish my num-nums! I’ve already tired of the taste! And I’ve finished my milk minutes ago! Mommy, don’t go! Take me with you! “I’m going now. Be a good girl, honey. I love you, princess.” She walks around the car, opens the front door, and goes in. I hear the door close. She’s gone. Again.

Flexi comes out from under the car with a smirk on his face. “You were right, princess. Your mother does love you a whole lot.” And he stalks off.

 I feel like crying as I retreat back to a red rug that is my bed. And then I see…

The metal chains tied to the base of the refrigerator, leading up to the brown collar that is secured around my neck. I see the newspapers that are scattered around the garage floor; the soiled ones reeking of urine and waste. No one has bothered to clean them up.

And I see myself, clearly, for the first time. I am filthy. I stink. I itch. When was my last bath?

Tears well up at the corners of my eyes, as the harsh hand of reality slaps me. That dumb cat was right after all…

But no. It can’t be true. If my mother didn’t love me, she wouldn’t feed me or bathe me, or bring me inside every night to sleep. I wouldn’t be here at all. But I am here, and she does feed and bathe and sing me to sleep. There has to be another reason for my sorry condition…

 She must love me. She does love me.

 

…Doesn’t she?

_______________________________________________________________________________

I wrote this right after playing with Tala (my half-spitz half-terrier). I don't know, something was nagging me to do this, so what the heck. Turned out pretty...what?...good? This is the first short story i've written since forever.  Hopefully it stays. Hopefully I can start writing again. Haha. Anyway, so there we go. Thank you to Tala, my pretty princess, who so surprisingly happens to be my muse. I do love you

Right. So how long has it been since I've updated this blog? Anyway. I thought I'd never use this blog again but, here I am, preparing to rant and rave about what has recently happened--obviously important enough for me to take the trouble to turn my computer on and log in to bravejournal--to me.
So if you're the kind of person who doesn't really care about other people's woes and whatnots, i suggest you spare yourself from my babbling and go find a nice happy site which is more to your liking.

Okay. So, i guess that was a minor introduction. And I'm not the happiest person in the world as of now, if you haven't already noticed. And, as this is my blog, I will write it down. You're free to read it, this being a public webjournal, and you're also free to click the little x.

So. What has pushed me to re-open this once-dead blog? Ah. The results for the Season of RoXS '06 confirmed that my band did not get in. It's not that big of a shock, considering how I totally wrecked the auditions. And whoever says I did not, quit trying to make me feel good because you and I both know that it was I who ruined the auditions. And what's killing me is that my band is being wonderful to me when really, I'd much rather they give me what I deserve. I know how bad they wanted this gig, and I wanted it too. But it was my lack of self-confidence (and my being out of tune ) that ultimately destroyed our chances. It was bad enough that I hit a really bad note...but to do it thrice? I could have kicked myself right there and then in the studio. ANYWAY. Enough of that. Like what a friend of mine said, what's done is done and we can only hope to make it better in the future. He's totally right.

But before the auditions, like the night before when Siv and Eros were horribly out of tune, I went to SM to buy a pitchpipe with my mom. And I told her I really wanted to go back to violin but being a junior and all, the workload has increased and obviously, I have little time to actually practice. Honestly? What I said to her that night was bullcrap. I have the time to practice, to devote myself. But...well, I'll admit it. When I pick up my violin, I expect myself to be really, really good. And obviously, having not practiced for months and months, my fingers have grown stiff and the rosin on my bow has porbably hardened. And I expect to be playing like i did months ago? Honestly...I don't want to practice. I hate going through the squeaky, icky sounds when I press the wrong note, or my bow slides. Bottom line? I want to be good again in an instant. But that will never happen unless i practice. So I know this, why don't I get up and do it? Another thing. I'm lazy. So I know what my flaws are, yet I do nothing. Gad. And another thing....My dad bought me Eros based on the deal we made...that I'd practice everyday. It started out well, until i grew lazy again. And now my dad is so disappointed in me.

So now, I owe my dad, my band, even my teacher. But most importantly, I owe myself, Siv and Eros. And so now, I'm resolving to start moving, violin-wise. I'll never go abck to where I used to be if I don't shut up, and do it. And I hope I mean it this time, because I really do want to.

Anyway, so enough of that. I have to study for my Geom test.

Yesterday, I introduced Eros and Cassandra to Kenosis. They totally loved Eros (and Cassie). Which is good, really! They kept taking pictures! haha! Aww Eros! You're a star!

So, just got off the phone with Spiv. My goodness, that boy was BORED, mehn! Boredom to Spiv....results to ringtone composition with the help of his trusty recorder. Mahn, he's good in making kapa stuff ah. Haha. GO SPIV!

So anyway, gad. Someone's in a frickin pissy mood. Hmm. Not me, ah! Haha. But no...okay, really. This person is SUPER pissing me off. I swear. Haaay. Whatever. I'll let it pass. Not worth getting pissed off over. Life is beautiful, isn't it? It is!

SO! I'm bored, and there's nothing interesting to blog about...unless you (whoever you are) find my  recent addiction to chocolate interesting. But i highly doubt that.

For now, i will wait for something interesting to happen, so that i may blog about it later. Must jet. Babooshka!

Know who just popped into my head? Alexis.....
Alexis my best friend. Alexis my confidante. Alexis my partner in....anything wacky. I miss her. Are we drifitng apart, Lek? I hope not.

LEKI! I haven't been able to call you! Well, i have, but then you're never home! So...pooh on you! Haha! No....we should go out! Catch up! Coffee? When? Where? With beerkada?

---

Oh my goodness. I think I might me SO extremely bored that I might just start writing fanfiction again. Oh goodness, no. Well, yes. I want to go back to that....sort of....for fun. Like before. But darn it, all my fiction files arein the other CPU and well.....this one here is new. I don't want to start from scratch though.

---

Random thought:

If I'm always afraid to get hurt.....will I ever find someone, i mean...you know?

---

WOW. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR ME TO DO. I should start using my sewing machine...hey! That's an idea!

---

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE FRICKIN NATURE CAMP! It's not so much because I don't want to be away from home as being afraid that I can't do the activites. I mean...I'm not a tree climber, you know. Mother said, "Where is your sense of adventure?"

Well, I guess i'll have to start looking for it. Take risks......i guess.

---

See, that's my problem! I NEVER TAKE RISKS. What is up with that? Argh. I might as well withdraw from the entire universe...my oh my. What is up with me?

---

SUMMER IS STARTING TO BORE ME. WHERE'S THE FUN?!

---

.....come out, fun. I need you.



















...ang drama ko ano?

I'm baccccck! My goodness, I am back! Wow. Haha. I never thought I'd ever open this blog again...but as you can see, I have!

Tid bit time....

During the span of my non-blogging days, I've been through absolutely so much. School had been wonderful except for the third trimester (as always) but I, and my batchmates, made it through those 3 grueling days of final exams. MY gaaaaad. I broke down AGAIN, but this time, it wasn't as bad as first year.

I ADORE MY CLASS, 2C, AND EVERYONE IN IT. I ADORE SECOND YEAR. I ADORE OUR FLORANTE AT LAURA PLAY, BUT NOT THE FAGGOT THAT IS FLORANTE.

Anyhooplah, I also met awesome new people who are now my lovely friends (BTK). Arrie told me once, "wow it's great to have friends who are so much fun and who don't have vices." True, true. Plus, I've been bonding with beer(kada) more than ever now.

Band has been neutral for me, lately. Maybe it's because I haven't touched Siv and Borgny in a pretty long time, and I know they're dying to be played. (Sorry, loves!) But now, We've got our flow back (Siv, Borgny and I) and band has been pretty amazing again so far.

Speaking of which, guess what?  DADDY BOUGHT ME AN ELECTRIC VIOLIN!

I was so shocked that he bought me one, because I wasn't expecting he would when I asked him if he wanted to go look at it. Of course, nothing ever comes for free and I had to make a deal with papi with all the Salonga Music personnel as witnesses. It went something like this:

Dad: We'll get it only if you promise to practise everyday without excuses. Deal?
Me: I K.M.H.L. promise to practise everyday without excuses.
Salong Music Personnel: Ahhh

And we pinky swore right then and there. Yes, we pinkly swore. BUT I DIDN'T CARE! I GOT ME AN ELECTRIC VIOLIIIN! Haha

Eros is a black, S-shaped electric violin. I haven't determined whether Eros is female or male, meaning I have to get to know it (for the time being)  more by actually playing it and bonding with it. At first, I wasn't completely sold on Eros' body because I was expecting a skeletal body. Instead, there was an S-shaped body. Well, that's not so bad. But Teacher Von said that the really expensive violins have pegs, chinrests and i think fingerboards made of ebody. Eros' was just made from normal wood. But really, it doesn't matter right now for me, because I don't care if the violin is expensive or not, branded or not, as long as I'm comfortable with it. Siv was given to me when I was six, she was a 4/4 violin, that's the standard size, and she was too big for me then. Siv wasn't brand new when she was given to me, she was a second hand violin. But I didn't care. I had my grown-up violin. So i packed my kiddie violin and moved on to Siv (and Borgny). And ever since, Siv, Borgny and I have been as one. I'm hoping that Eros, Cassandra (the bow of Eros) and I will share that same bond that Siv, Borgny and I have fostered through the years. It's looking pretty good for Eros and Cassandra.
I know! I sound all weird again, but who gives a beaver's dam anyway? Haha! In time, I'll know.
Cassandra is definitely a female, I've decided on that. I think she and Eros will need time before they can work together and produce beautiful music.

So I Introduced Eros to Siv, and I think Siv might feel a little jealous. Well who doesn't, at the start?  Borgny and Cassandra were so no reaction. Well, bows are more complacent then violins. At least...that's what I think.

Well too bad for Siv and Eros if they don't get along. They're stuck with each other. Haha!  But, I think they're starting to warm up to each other...I mean I don't know, it's only been a day. But they are Sister and brother(?) sister(?)? Like I said...I haven't determined Eros' gender yet. Haha.

LOOKING FORWARD TO MAKING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC WITH YOU, EROS AND CASSANDRA!!!

Haha. Well....that summer fashion thing doesn't look like it's going to happen. Maybe next year. Sorry Pilar, sorry Angel.

SO!

Besides welcoming Eros and Cassandra to my family, I also went out with Arrie, Kim and Carla yesterday at Eastwood. It was sooooooo much fun, I swear. LOVED BONDING WITH YOU! THe highlight of yesterday was when we rode the free shuttle service. Haha! We weren't even sure where it would take us, yet we boarded it anyway. We were scared that it might takes us OUTSIDE of eastwood, which of course, did not happen. Thankfully.

So what else is new? I'm waiting for my mother to pick me up for band practice where I'm going to formally introduce Eros and Cassandra to the band. Hope they'll like them, and vice versa. Heeheeheee. Okay, I'm done here.

Later!

CHEERS!
Karsie

Most people don't know that I am a fantasy art fan. Ever since grade 4, I've been into fantasy art like people are into friendster...or whatever the "in" thing is now. This brilliant piece is by my FAVORITE fantasy artist AMY BROWN. This painting is what introduced me to the world of fantasy art.
My other favorites include NENE THOMAS, BRIAN FROUD, PAULINA STUCKEY and so many more. I'd rather not list them down because I'd end up typing until midnight. Haha!

Check out more of Amy's splendid art at www.amybrownart.com or just look at the watermark in the image! Hee hee! FANTASY ART ROCKS! And so does Renaissance art! Yeah! Okay, I'm done.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: Fantasy art is best viewed with the accompaniment of either new age music, celtic music or classical music. That's what I do! hahahaha!

Kim. Kim, Kim, Kim. Obviously, this post is about Kim.

This proves that I have missed SO MUCH during the last week that I was absent. Darn stomach virus! Anyway, now that I'm back, I can feel the almost tangible aura of conflict that hovers above my barkada. Lemme just tell you what happened today...

So during IW, bff called me over saying she had something to show me. "Okay, what is it?" She showed me this letter she had written to Kim just minutes before, and told me to read it. It was...harsh. She, herself, said so too. So anyway, I was like "You can't give this to her. Not now." But you know, once Leyre has decided on something, she does it. I tried to persuade her not to, because I know it will add to Kim's hurt, but..........she gave it. I told her over and over again, "Give her time. Give her time." No, no no. She gave it. Okay, wala na akong magawa.

I immediately rushed over to Kim's side whilst she read the letter. At first, she took it lightly, almost no reaction. But then, as she neared the end, her exterior had begun to change; her face tensed and her features darkened. Bad. Bad, bad, bad. Yup. It was sinking in. bff's hurtful words (that held good intentions, though) was seeping into her brain. She finally understood.

I touched her arm for reassurance, but she shook it off. Alright. Sign #1. Darn it. 

During lunch, she did not talk to me at all and super nabastusan ako with the way she was acting. But, of course, I understood. So my anger was short-lived. 

Personally I really think it was a horrible idea to give Kim that letter.

People, you have to understand that she is suffering from EMOTIONAL HURT, and emotional pain really really takes time to heal. TIME. You have to understand that in the state she is in now, she is looking for comfort. The reason why she was so clingy and "annoying", as some people call it, was because she was looking for comfort.

She was depending on her barkada for support and understanding. But what did we give her? NOTHING. "We" showed irritation instead of compassion, impatience instead of sympathy. SHE NEEDED A SHOULDER TO LEAN ON, AND WE GAVE HER NOTHING.

Someone told me, "How come some people get over it so quickly? Why is it taking her so long? Why can't she just get over it?!" HELLO! Is Kim "some people"? NO! She's KIM!

Different people heal differently, some heal quicker than others and some need TLC before fully recovering.

Maybe her way of getting over it is saying his name over and over again, to get him out of her system. But others don't translate it to that, others get annoyed. I don't blame them naman because it's how they see it, and it's their opinion. I'm not blaming anyone at all. People see things differently.

Kim has a right to be upset, to feel betrayed. I think I've done a crappy job as a friend. Gawd. I wish I had been there last week. I would have gladly listen to her rant and rave about him. As long as it helps her heal. But she won't confide in me now. She thinks I feel the same way; irritated, impatient, annoyed. I DON'T.

One more thing....

I do not want her to revert back to her "I hate life" stupor. No, no, no!

It was so very HARD for me during that stage in her life. I was emotionally breaking down, only it was not obvious. I was constantly worrying about her, about what she would do next. I, and the rest of the barkada have endured SO MUCH, have done so much to keep her together. It was exhausting, tiring, nerve-wracking but we did it anyway, because we love her so much.

And we still do.

 

 

Kim, I love you, and so do Nicole, Alexis and Leyre. We only do what we do because we care...too much. I hope you don't take what we do the wrong way. I'm sorry if you feel hurt, angry and betrayed. We don't mean to seem so cold, so unfeeling. We care so much. I hope you understand that. I really do. And I hope that you realize that he isn't the only starfish in the sea. I know how much he means to you, and it's okay to be nostalgic about "those days". Eventually you'll get over him, and no matter how long it takes, or how rocky the road becomes, we'll be right beside you. Each and every step, every minute. Every time you stumble, we'll pick you up and help you get back on your feet.

We're always going to be here for you. I want you to know that, and to believe that.

 

A soon to be sixteen year old girl's wish list

 

1) A VW bug, preferably green, either vintage or new

2) Driving lessons

3) License

4) A sexy black violin

5) A Classy white violin with a white bow, and gold pegs, pegbox, chin rest and the place where the fine tuning is located. I forgot what it's called. Classy.

6) A trendy transparent violin. It won't sound as brilliant, but the looks count too ya know.

7) An electrifying skeleton/S-shaped violin. Preferably dark blue, blue, midnight blue, you get the picture.

A STRADIVARIOUS VIOLIN MADE BY ANTONIO STRADIVARI HIMSELF! Of course, this is a certified might never come true dream due to the outrageous price (it's priceless, though), it's rarity, and it's authenticity. It will cost, estimated, about over five million US$, and if bought anywhere in europe, I'd probably owe 1/12 of the Philippine's debt to the world bank. Okay, sobra naman. Maybe it will cost (if bought in europe) almost a billion. yep. That's how coveted my stradivarious is. Super overpriced to the point that no one can afford it, so the persons who have stradivarious violins can keep them forever even if they DON'T PLAY IT! *cries* I waaaaant one!!!!! Ah well. To dream is....divine. Just to look at one would be a terrific experience.

9) TO GET SIV BORGNY PHUONG CLEANED!!! I owe this to Siv, especially. She's so...pardon...filthy.

10) TO BE HAPPY! 

 

hee hee! As my birthday draws nearer, I become more and more problematic. WHAT SHALL I DO FOR MY SWEET 16TH BIRTHDAY BASH?

 

 

 

....Any suggestions? Violent reactions? Har!

Haaaaaay. I had to open my metal braced mouth pa kasi. I can't can't can't believe it. Okay, so I'm going to make kwento but i'm going to be vague about it...

So during IW I told *hits head against a SOFT wall* my BFF that I was squishin'. Okay. Normal enough. Every female aged 0-infinity is capable of having a squish. It's our right as human beings. Okay, so going back, I told her. Only I didn't tell her who. (Duh. That would be my ticket to humiliation nation. Haha!) But she got soooooooo kulit about it and started ticking off random names of dudes who she thought I was squishing on. I was getting really paranoid since, malamang, maraming tao sa IW area and I was afraid that someone (who might be a danger) would hear.  

I just HAD to throw her off track. So...I told a little white lie. BEAVER-DAM-IT. Well...the reason why I didn't tell her who exactly, was because 1) I wasn't sure if it was a true blue, valid squish 2) I wasn't sure if I was squishing just for the sake of it or because I really do like the dude. (It is in my nature to first find out if I actually genuinely like someone before declaring a squish. I get embarrassed and irritated at myself if I find out later on that I was squishing because of the lamest reasons and not because I really really really...well you get the point.)

Soooooo....the original squishee (someone you squish on) remains a secret, and I'm not telling until I know it's a real squish, a real genuine one, or until I'm over it. But I don't know because aggghhh! I get *shudder* kilig and it's soooooooo embarrassing! Oh please, ice cream truck fall on me now. NO DON'T! Ice cream nalang so I'll survive and in the process, become a totally sweeter person. Haha. There.

I apologize to my bff for leaving you hanging---or rather leaving you with a teeny white lie. I can't tell! Yet. But....one thing is for beaver-dam sure. I do not like-like (how gradeschool is that? ) the dude I told you I was "squishing" on because the dude's just a really good friend. So, my real squish remains to be shh-shh.

bff, I'm so going to tell you. Someday. hee-hee friggin tee.

 Wow. It's been so long! My last entry was like, what, a century ago? Time flies when your computer is down with a virus.

And now so am I. I've got this horrible stomach virus and it's driving me insane. I've missed almost a week of school...and I don't think I'm going back anytime this week. What's worse is that I've been sick ever since the June 11 gig. June 12, I woke up with a burning fever and it's been recurring since then. But Last sunday, I guess my immune system couldn't take it any longer. My fever reached 39-40 degrees. I've lost a lot of weight which is totally bad news for me...because of this darn stomach virus everything and anything I eat comes out. Plus I've had my braces put in just last friday (Which was the day of Ann's despedida but I'll get to that later) and I'm having a little trouble eating.
My baby sister (Who recently turned 11) is officialy heavier and taller than I am. She's 5"2, that's an inch taller than me (I'm 5"1) and I'm not even going to go to our weight difference. Let's just say she's a LOT heavier than me. That's bad. Real bad.

So I've come up with a brilliant plan. In three months--three months of diligence and perseverance--I am going to reach a hundred pounds. That's more than I've weighed almost my entire life. I'm going to monitor my weight gain  every week...I should at least gain like a pound or something...and when those three months are up, I'll be still slightly underweight (hey you can't have it all in just three months) but heavier than I ever was before. And I am SOOOOOOO going to throw a party.

Okay, so Last friday (July 1) I had my braces put on (Glow and the dark pink rubber bands). Boy, did I look weird. haha. Anyway, so I rushed over to Ann's place for her despedida dinner. I'm glad I was able to catch up. I would have missed many a kodak moment that happened that night like Tamia chasing everyone, threatening to smear cake icing on their faces. Good thing I was "unharmed". Haha! And then there was the Around the world and Adding people up game which I totally didn't get but loved anyway. And the most memorable was Ann herself, just being. She looked so happy. And she should be! Going to Oxford for a summer program is big! At least I got to see her before she left. That was cool.
Paui and Joey looked so cute! I loved Paui's outfit! It looked great on her athletic body. And Joey's shirt was so adorable!!!! Frogs! Haha! Speaking of outfits, Kay and Alexa were sizzling! HAHAHA! I can't believe I just described my bandmates as sizzling. Ew. Anyway, Alexa's shirt was really nice and Kay looked so relaxed in her orange tank, denim mini and flip flops. Gotta love her beaded anklet. Oh gawd, Aicar! Aww! Haha! She was so funny running around trying to evade Tam's crazed Icing attacks! Leyre was there, my best bud forever. She was wearing the same shirt she wore to our Sibol gig. Jop was there too, he's ley's dude. I met Doza, and Iya was there. So were Mikko and Francis. And Ann's cousin Berna, I think her name is, and her boyfriend Raf? Yeah that's it. If you count Ann's parents then yeah. Haha ang labo ko! Anyway, so it was totally fun. (Have I forgotten anyone? If I have, hit me with a tomato and hope it's rotten)

ANN! GOOD LUCK IN EVERYTHING YOU DO [there] AND I HOPE YOU COME BACK EVEN SMARTER, MORE TALENTED (if that is even humanly possible with your amount of talent already) AND...WHITER? TRY TO GET A TAN! LOVE TO SEE WHAT THAT WOULD LOOK LIKE! OH YEAH! ANN, I SWEK, YOU HAVE TO COME BACK WITH AN ACCENT! THAT WOULD BE SOOOOOOOOO COOL! AND ONE MORE THING YOU MUST ALWAYS REMEMBER....
BE SAFE!!!!

Right-o. There. So all in all, the despedida was ultimately fun. I WANT A PARTY! TAMIA! THROW A PARTY NA! WHAT KIND OF A @!##$%^& BATCH REP DOESN'T THROW A PARTY?!

Kidding Tam! I'm Kidding! You're doing great! Promise me you'll run for Chair!

So...what else? Oh yeah. La Salle International for Fashion is opening a center here so I'm psyched. But still, I want to try out for the other fashion schools abroad but whatever. But...do I really want to be just a fashion designer? Don't I want to be something more?  Yeah I do. As early as now, I have sooo many courses in mind like psychology, business management, journalism, fashion design, education......gosh. Ang dami. If I take all of those, I'll be in school forever. I'll probably graduate a middle aged woman by the time I'm done with those courses. ARGH! WHERE IS A CAREER...HELPER WHEN YOU NEED ONE?! I'm still young. It's a long time pa naman, college. But still, you know, high school is only four years and as they say you breeze through it. I'm kind of worried. What if I don't get into the college I want? Argh!!!!!!!!!   Crossin' my fingers here.

Another thing....honestly, I'm turning sixteen. Next year I'll be seventeen. WHY DOES TIME FLY BY SO FAST?!? And Daddy won't get me a car, let alone teach me how to drive. I quote, "When you're eighteen, and when you show true responsibility." Like what? Taking out the garbage? Cleaning the dishes? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?
I know what I have to do............but I'm pretty sure dad won't get me a car anyway. So why do it? Because it's the right thing. Agggghhhhhh. Whatever. I will prove I'm responsible enough. Ha-ha. And then Dad will have to get me a green VW bug. Or a Rolls Royce. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *hack*

One more thing, one more thing. Erm.......nah, never mind. I forgot. Anyway, This is a good entry if I do say so myself. I'm going to update more often (oh yah right), when I can. Yeh. So......bleep.